89: What if I move abroad… and hate it?

One of the most common fears about moving abroad is this: What if I hate it? What if I regret everything and want to come back?

In this episode, we unpack that fear—where it comes from, how to manage it, and why it doesn’t have to hold you back. You’ll learn how to reframe the “worst case scenario,” prepare yourself practically and emotionally, and about others who moved abroad and navigated the same doubts.

We’ll talk about how social media can sometimes glamorize life abroad, how to give yourself grace when things feel uncertain, and why the biggest regret often isn’t moving—it’s not trying at all.

This episode is for anyone feeling stuck between the dream of moving abroad and the fear of making a mistake🔥

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Website: jordangiberson.com
Instagram: @jordan.giberson

Transcript

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It is okay to be scared. It is totally fine to have this fear that you won't like it, that you'll feel like a failure. But I would say don't let that fear keep you from trying. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to try it out and say, no, I'm gonna move back home. Hey, my name is Jordan Giberson. I'm a Texas girl living and thriving in London. The best thing I've ever done? Moving abroad, hands down. And I'm passionate about helping others do the same. Are you curious about finding a job abroad? You're in the right place, friend. I'll teach you the tried and true secrets of how to make moving abroad a reality for you and how to live a fulfilling life once you get there. We'll cover topics like choosing the best visa for you, how to get a job offer in another country, how to get over your fear of moving abroad, and how to live a life you love once you get there, this is The Move Abroad Podcast. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Move Abroad Podcast. Thanks for joining me for today's episode. Today we're going to be talking about what if you move abroad and you hate it? This is the most common what if I move abroad and I hate it? What if I regret the whole thing? What if I want to come back after only a couple months? What if I move there and I'm super unhappy? What if it doesn't work out? It is all around this fear of moving abroad and not actually liking it and feeling like a failure. So today we're going to be talking about why this fear is valid, but not a reason to keep you staying stuck with where you're at and not accomplishing that dream of moving abroad. I'll walk you through how to prepare for this fear, how to manage it, and even how to reframe this fear. And before we get started with the episode content, if you have been enjoying the Move Abroad podcast, I would so appreciate it if you left a review and a rating for the podcast, if you're enjoying it, and if you know of somebody in your life who has also talked about moving abroad, who has thought about doing it in the past, I would love it if you shared this episode or maybe one of your favorite episodes with them. It just helps me help more people to be able to move abroad. So feel free to share it and feel free to leave a review for the podcast if you're enjoying it. But anyways, we'll go ahead and get started with this episode. So the biggest thing that I wanted to highlight in terms of the fear of moving abroad and hating it is talking about just where this fear comes from. I'd say that it is so normal to fear the unknown and to fear regret. I feel like that's one of the biggest things that we fear in life, is just the unknown. Our brains are wired to seek comfort and to seek predictability. So as moving abroad is not something that our brain would normally train us to do. It is outside of what our brain would normally train us to do because our brains, again, are wired to help us seek comfort and to help you stay exactly where you are because it's safe. So it is normal to fear the unknown, and it's also very normal to fear regrets. I feel like that's kind of the opposite side of moving abroad, is we don't want to get to the end of our lives and say, Ugh, I always wanted to start that business, or ugh, I always really wanted children and I never had children or, ugh, I always thought about moving abroad and I always wanted to do that and I never did it. We don't want to get to the end of our lives and feel a sense of regret. So I would just take some time thinking about, is this something that you would regret if you didn't do it? So it kind of is a bit of a scale. What's gonna weigh more on one side of the scale, it's the fear of the unknown, and on the other side it's the fear of regret. So, you know, it's kind of a bit of a back and forth on these two biggest fears that people face whenever they think about moving abroad, and it's the fear of the unknown and the fear of failure and that you won't like it, which sidebar and side note, you probably won't hate it. And we'll get to that in a second. But yeah, and then on the other side there is the fear of regret of getting to the end of your life and feeling like you didn't accomplish all the things that you want to. So yeah, I'd say that those are kind of on, if you can think of a scale almost on like one side, there's that fear of the unknown and the other side there's the fear of regret. So which one is going to win out for you?'cause you kind of have to choose between the 2 in terms of moving abroad. And just other big things in life in general. So there is this pressure to get it right, especially when moving abroad feels like a really big life decision. But can I just tell you that it's not ever gonna be perfect. You are always going to doubt whether it's the perfect job or you're moving to the perfect neighborhood. Or, oh, should I have moved to Lisbon instead of Porto Portugal? Is this really the best choice for me? You can weigh out all these things, but at the end of the day, it's never going to be perfect. You're never going to quote, get it right, because life is imperfect. This world isn't imperfect jobs are imperfect. There's gonna be pros and cons to different options, so I wouldn't let that fear kind of keep you back, like hold you back. This fear of, you know what if I move abroad and I hate it, but thinking I have to get it right so that I don't have this potential that I might hate it because there will definitely be some reasons why you don't like a place. I mean, I am so in love with London, I think it's the best. I love it so much. But the other day I was trying to get home and I say that I love public transportation and I 100% do, and any day I will choose sitting on the train in traffic where it's just a bit more crowded than sitting in traffic in a car on a highway. Like I hundred percent would rather do that. I can read my book or listen to music. I feel just more relaxed than sitting in traffic. I just prefer it, but the other day I was sitting on the train and it took me not even joking, normally it takes me an hour to get home from work. It took me 1 hour and 50 minutes, and I had to change trains 3 times because there was a failure, for like one of the doors on the trains wouldn't close at the station ahead of me, and I was like, oh, if I would've left just 5 minutes sooner, I wouldn't have had this problem. I would've been home and about an hour. But instead it took me 1 hour and 55, 0 minutes. I was like, oh my gosh, almost 2 hours. This is terrible. It was also a really, really hot day. Which made everyone else around me more grumpy as well. So it was just very exhausting and it was terrible. I'm going through this whole story, but my point is I love public transportation, but there are moments where I'm like, this is the worst. Or things about London that I'm like, ah, it's just so frustrating that it's so expensive here, or just different parts about the city or about immigration about my visa. That is just really frustrating. But any place that you move to has pros and cons. So just remind yourself that you're not going to quote, get it right. So this fear of moving abroad and worrying about hating it or making sure that everything is perfectly aligned, it's false, and it's just going to keep you from actually moving abroad. Because once you move there, you can change jobs, you can change visas once you're already there, you can change locations even. My point is like you can shift and adjust once you're there. Nothing is permanent, and I think that is one of the messages that I do really want to get across is that this is not permanent. But one thing that really helped me whenever I was moving abroad is I told myself. No one is holding me hostage. I can literally book a flight to go back home and not ever come back to this place if I wanted to. Like I could literally book a flight for the very next day and be gone if I wanted to, or within a week to pack my stuff. Like no one is keeping me in a job. No one is keeping me like hostage in that location. Like I can leave at any time. So I think it just takes that pressure out of feeling like you need to get it right and just that fear of like, what if I move abroad and I'm only there for 2 months and I really hate it and I move back home and I feel like a failure. You were absolutely not a failure. But that these feelings are are very valid, I guess. So anyways, there is a pressure to get it right, but it will never be right. Not that it won't be right, it won't be perfect. So I'd also wanna mention that social media, glamorizes expat life, yet it doesn't show you the hard parts, but I do want to mention that yeah, it's not perfect because it's not a vacation every single day, and it's not going to be the glamorized social media clips that we see that are 32nd highlight reels. But it is pretty freaking amazing. I mean, I did an episode on like Your Dreamy Life abroad. It was a few episodes back. If you wanna go listen to it, because life really is like that. This morning I was walking to the station and I stopped by and got a croissant, which honestly it was pretty dry, but I went by and got a croissant and I went and got a coffee and I walked to the station and I was on the train. It was a very relaxed morning in, and I really enjoyed it. And we had a site viewing for a potential event and we went to the site visit and I'm just we're walking along all the beautiful, like architecturally gorgeous buildings from the 18 hundreds and it's really stunning. So anyways, I try not to take those things for granted and the lifestyle that I have here because it is pretty dreamy. But I also have a stack of laundry that is mile high back home that I have been meaning to do and my flat is a disaster right now that I really need to clean. So you still have all your normal life stuff. So, my point here is that, you know, social media glamorizes, expat life sometimes, but it doesn't show you the hard parts. But yeah, I'd say that's one of the places where the fear might come is, you know, it is glamorized, but is it really like that? And the answer is, I actually kind of, yes, it is like that, but it's not gonna be, oh, rainbows and sunshine all the time. And there's normal life things that you have to deal with as well. So we've already touched on this a little bit, but one thing I wanted to run through is just reframing the fear. You know, what is the worst case scenario really, this is what I told myself whenever I was moving abroad. I said, no one's keeping me hostage. I can move back at any point. And the other thing that I always told myself in terms of reframing the fear is when you talked about earlier, that scale of kind of weighing out the fear of a known on one side is kind of on one side of the scale, and the fear of regret is on the other side of the scale. And I definitely went for, okay. I am much more fearful of having regret in my later life, and that was another thing that really sold me. As I said I can move back anytime that I want. I can literally book a flight for the next day if I wanted to. And my fear of getting to my later life and thinking, oh my gosh, I always wanted to move abroad and I never did it. And I think that was what kind of spurred me along to say, yeah, I would really regret it if I didn't move abroad if I didn't go for it. So I better go for it before something does get in my way, because like we said in a couple episodes before about you better move abroad before things change really. So like we talked about in episode 84, it was why you should move abroad now before it gets harder is that there are things in life that just get in your way. I mean, beautiful things sometimes in life, like finding a partner or having children or just having more responsibilities later in life, or some things that are harder, like sick family members or the visa situation changing and making it way harder for you to be able to move abroad. And I would say that is a trend that we're seeing that some visas are getting more difficult to get countries that are making it more difficult for people to be able to move abroad and they're just cracking down in general. I mean, that's changing across many different countries. So I feel like now is a good time to move before it gets even more difficult for people to be able to move abroad and have that experience. So, yeah, I would say those 2 things really helped me reframe my fear of fear of regret, and telling myself I can move back at any time. So if you do move back, that's it. It is totally fine. It is not a failure, it's just feedback. It's saying, okay, I did accomplish that dream I had of moving abroad. I did it. I accomplished it. It just wasn't my favorite. But you know what? I'll be really honest with you. This is super, super honest of me. I have not once met someone who moved abroad and said, I regret it. I have never met someone who has said that I have met so many expats in London, especially because that's where I live. But I've met so many expats in other countries as well, and some people might move abroad for 1 year or 2 years and say, that was great, but I'm gonna go back home now. But I've never met someone that said I didn't enjoy it. I wish that I didn't do it. I've never heard that one time. So what is that saying? If I have met, I mean, this is just one person, just me, but I mean, I have met so many people who are living abroad and I've never met one person that said that they hated it. So just like, honestly, that could be this whole episode. For me to just state, I've met hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people who have moved abroad, Americans and people from other countries as well. But I've never met anybody that said, I regret it. I really hate it. I wanna go back home immediately. And yes, you might have some moments where you miss home or you feel lonely or in your first few weeks where you're trying to settle in into your new city and your new way of life, but that is so normal. And there is a bit of an adjustment period, but I've never met anybody that said, I regret this. So, like I said, that could literally be the whole episode. So I would, if you could take anything from this episode, I would say that is it to remind yourself that, hey, there's so many people that move abroad and pretty much no one regrets it. They might say like, oh, we really loved living in Munich, but now that we're living here, we think that Berlin is actually a better fit. And so we're gonna move there after our first year of living in Munich. Totally fine. But I've never had anybody that said, oh, regret it. I don't wanna live in Munich. Like, this sucks. I'm going back to the US immediately. Like no one ever says that. But absolute worst case, which I'm already telling you right now, this is not gonna happen. But the worst case is that you don't say, oh, I hate it. It's a failure. But instead you say, it was an experience. I accomplished that dream of moving abroad. And I can promise you, you saying, Ugh, I moved abroad and I didn't really love it. I'm gonna move back after my first year. Which again, I've never met anybody that said that. But if that were the case, then you can be in your later life as you're old and you're in your rocking chair and you say, wow, I have this really cool experience in my life and I accomplished that dream that I had. And it's not a failure because you accomplished what you set out to do. You moved abroad, you experienced it. You got to finally move to Amsterdam or to Italy like you always wanted to. So that is the worst case scenario. It's not a failure, and more than likely, you're not going to hate it. And one other thing that might be helpful for you to remember is that you have already done hard things in your life. You can do this too. Think of the hardest thing that you've ever done in your life. Think about that journey, what that looked like and like the difficulty level, and then thinking back on it now, would you say that you would do it again to be able to accomplish whatever you did at the time. I mean, depending on what it is, maybe it was a really positive thing that you went through. Maybe it was a really negative thing that you went through, but think about those things in life that you already did that were really hard. And I just wanna say, you can do this too. So just think back to that and say, if I did that, then I could do this too. So the next topic that I did want to chat through is how to prepare for the possibility that you don't like it. And again, I feel like the possibility portion of this is super, super, slim that you don't actually like it, but just so you feel really prepared about that potential possibility that you don't like it. One tip for that is to test the waters you might want to visit for. Maybe it's a short stay. Maybe you can only swing a week where you have off from work, or maybe you're not working right now and you can stay for a 3 month period of time to really experience it. Try out different neighborhoods. See where your local gym would be, where your local coffee shops would be, see what the feel of the people are. Maybe feel around the job market if you're going to be getting a job. Just that you can get a feel for what life might look like and have the lens of could I actually live here before fully committing so you could test the waters out if that's something that you could do if you have the opportunity to do that. Another thing that you could do to prepare for the possibility that you don't like it is to have a return plan set in place. Make sure you have enough savings to be able to book that last minute flight back home. If you're like, man, I hate it. I really want out immediately, which again, won't happen. But let's just say that that did happen. Just so you feel like you're prepared. Make sure that you have enough savings in place to be able to move back home whenever you want to. Maybe you leave a few things stored back home so that if you do wanna move back, you already have some furniture. Maybe you decide to keep it for 6 months to a year in storage so that if and when you decide to move back, it's ready for you. And maybe you hold onto your car instead of selling your car, for instance, or getting rid of your apartment. Maybe you sublease your apartment. Maybe you store your car somewhere. Maybe it's at your parents house or a friend's house or something like that, so that you have this return plan and you can pick up your life pretty easily if you wanted to move back home. So that's something that you could do just to give yourself a bit of reassurance that if you did want to move back at any point you could. Whereas, you know, you could just scrap everything, get rid of all your furniture, get rid of your car, get rid of your apartment, and just really start fresh. You could totally do that if you know that you wanna move abroad for a bit longer. But if you just wanted to test it out for a little bit and move abroad and have this return plan in place, then that could give you some reassurance and give you what feels like a bit of a safety net with your savings and keeping your things stored and kind of having this plan for if you did come back, what would that look like? Another thing that you can do to prepare for the possibility of not liking it is to give yourself a grace period. You don't want to judge the whole move by just the first 1 to 3 months. I would say give yourself more than that, but I would say maybe give yourself a grace period. Give yourself a deadline of saying, okay, I know I'm gonna give it at least 6 months to feel it out and see how I like it. I can do anything for 6 months. You know, I'm just gonna feel it out and make sure I hit the six month mark, and if I decide I really don't like it, then you make a decision from there. Or maybe it's a year that you wanna give yourself a full year to try it out, see if you like it or don't. Maybe it's just 3 months. You can totally decide whatever that period is for you, but that could be something that could help you feel a bit more secure and prepare for that possibility of not actually liking it is to give yourself that grace period. Another thing to prepare for the possibility of not liking it is just to talk to others who have done it, get real stories. Some people will absolutely love it. Some people might stay there for a year and leave, but everyone is going to grow from the experience. Everyone is going to get some good experiences from it. And again, I've talked to so many people who have moved abroad and I've never heard of someone saying they hated it. Some people might say like. Oh, I moved here for a year or 2, but London is too hectic for me. I want to go somewhere smaller or I really miss being around my family and my niece and nephew were just born, so I wanna go back and spend more time with family or whatever that looks like for you. But yeah, I'd say that you can talk to other people who have done it to get some feedback from them. And I know I've talked about other people, and their experiences and saying no one's ever regretted it. And like I said, I love London. I've been here for almost 6 years now. I love the city. I love my life here. I love that I can go to Europe super easily. I mean, I was just in Paris very recently. And where else? Oh, and I might jump on a trip with another friend in Europe in the next like 3 weeks or so. So I do love my life here for so many reasons. I mean, I could go on and on about why I like it, but I have never regretted my choice. I have loved it since I first arrived. There have been times where I felt really lonely, where I needed to make more friends. There have been times where I didn't love my living situation and I wanted to change it. There have been things about life that are just hard in general, but that's going to happen literally anywhere that you go. But I've never regretted it. And one thing that I always say is that. As we all do, you have these expectations for what your life is going to look like and whether you like it and how it will feel. And one thing that kind of surprised me is that I love living in London. And one thing that I found really interesting whenever I moved abroad is that I had these expectations, but honestly, living here has exceeded my expectations. I love it so much more than I ever thought I would. It has been so much more than I ever expected, than I ever dreamed. So that could be you. You could have these expectations and say, ah, it's probably not gonna be as good as I think it's gonna be. And then you get there and you're like, actually this is so much more than I ever envisioned that it would be. And I can't believe that I almost, or I thought about maybe not even coming here. Like you could think that you could get to that point of moving there and thinking that. So yeah, I'd say that my personal reflection on moving abroad is that I love it so much more than I ever thought that I would. So I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum where I'm, I mean, I'm literally here talking to you about moving abroad because it's been the best experience I've ever had in my life and my best, most favorite decision I've ever made in my life. And while it was a little bit difficult getting here, and I did have fears as well, and it was my family, it took some convincing with them and my friends like it was a very emotionally difficult decision for me to make. And that is again, why I want to help other people be able to move abroad. But it's been the best decision that I've ever made and I would hate for someone to not move abroad because they have this fear of, what if I move abroad and I hate it? So I'm here to tell you, you really probably won't hate it. Everyone that I've met has loved it. I know I've said that a million times in this episode, but I'm really trying to drive that point hard is that I have talked to so many people who have moved abroad and I've never once heard of someone that said, I really hate it. I really wish that I didn't do it. And the truth is, what you might regret more is not trying. I mean, we talked about the scales of like having this fear of moving abroad and really hating it, but then the other fear on the other side is having this fear of regret and of not trying. So I feel like often that's the real regret is not trying, I wish that I had this study and I could probably look it up, but there was a study where people were interviewed in their, on their deathbed basically, and people were asking them what are the biggest regrets that they had in their life? And one of them was to go after their dreams that they had and to not just kind of follow the path that everyone had designed for them or everyone thought that they should do, and that was one of the biggest regrets that people had on their deathbed. So I feel like we can probably take a learning from that. That was one of the biggest things that people were saying that they wish they would've done. And another one I feel like was that people feel like they wish they wouldn't have worked as hard, which I found really interesting, especially in our American culture. Which if you do move to Europe, then they don't have that mindset as much of like work, work, work and like work to the bone and like you're not working hard enough and you need to be working later into the evening or not taking your holidays and or your vacations and stuff like that. So anyways, a little bit of a tangent, but future you will be proud that you were brave, even if it didn't work out exactly how you imagined. And maybe there are some aspects of life that you're like, eh, I don't really love this apartment. Or eh, like this job, it really could be better. Maybe I'll find another job. So maybe some pieces won't be perfect, but that's also life. There's always things in our life that were like, eh, I really wish I had a different car, or eh, I really wish that, like my friend group was a little bit different or whatever. So there's always those things in life that we can adjust and make better. And one thing that I find kind of interesting is that you can't really discover what you really want unless you're willing to try things that you might not, you have to try things and give it a go because you really won't know until you try. And that is just the truth of it. I mean, you can do the try before you buy and visit for a few months, which if you do have that opportunity where you can visit for even a week up to 6 months or whatever you're able to do, then that can help you to prepare for that possibility that you don't like it. But, yeah, you really just have to try it and live there to see if you really do like it. So in closing, it is okay to be scared. It is totally fine to have this fear that you won't like it, that you'll want to move back home, that you'll feel like a failure. But I would say don't let that fear keep you from trying. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to try it out and say, no, I'm gonna move back home. But I think more than likely, you are going to surprise yourself and you're going to love it. Even more than you imagined, and I'm not just saying that, to try to sell you moving abroad. This is genuinely how I feel about it and also genuinely why I try to convince more people to move abroad and why I'm always encouraging it because it's been the biggest blessing for me and the biggest surprise and beautiful thing in my life. So yeah, I just love to encourage people to move abroad and I want you to accomplish that dream for you. And I don't want you to have that fear of what if I move abroad and I hate it? And that keep you from accomplishing this dream that you have. And then later in life you have this regret of not actually going after your dream and moving abroad. So life is short. Go after the things that you want. So that is it for me for today's episode. I hope you feel encouraged. I hope that this was perhaps a bit of a wake up call, but I hope that you feel encouraged, that's really my goal with this episode. If you do know of someone that has talked about moving abroad, then feel free to share this episode with them, or maybe another one that you love even more, but yeah, feel free to share that the episode or the podcast in general with them. And if you haven't left a review yet, I would so appreciate it if you did. But yeah, thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Move Abroad podcast. I will catch you here again next week, same time, same place. I'll catch you then