96: Feeling guilty about moving abroad? Why it happens and how to overcome it.

Have you ever felt guilty about wanting to move abroad — like you’re letting down your family, friends, or even your culture? You’re not alone. In this episode, I share my own experience with guilt after moving overseas, including the comments people made (“I love my family too much to live abroad,” “Why did you move abroad? Is the US not good enough for you?”) and how those words weighed on me day-to-day.

We’ll explore why guilt shows up when you choose to live abroad, from family expectations to cultural pressures, and how to reframe it as a sign of love — not a reason to hold yourself back. I’ll also share practical ways to handle guilt, like staying connected intentionally, including your loved ones in your journey, and giving yourself permission to enjoy the life you’re building abroad.

By the end, you’ll see that guilt doesn’t have to stop you — moving abroad is not selfish, it’s an act of growth.

👉Take the free quiz: Which European city should you move to? 🤔

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Website: jordangiberson.com
Instagram: @jordan.giberson

Transcript

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So I think just share your journey openly with those that you love and make them feel included. Another practical way to handle the guilt is just to give yourself permission to enjoy your life. Your happiness is not something to apologize for the goals you have in life and the things you really want to achieve. Hey, my name is Jordan Giberson. I'm a Texas girl living and thriving in London. The best thing I've ever done? Moving abroad, hands down. And I'm passionate about helping others do the same. Are you curious about finding a job abroad? You're in the right place, friend. I'll teach you the tried and true secrets of how to make moving abroad a reality for you and how to live a fulfilling life once you get there. We'll cover topics like choosing the best visa for you, how to get a job offer in another country, how to get over your fear of moving abroad, and how to live a life you love once you get there, this is The Move Abroad Podcast. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Move Abroad podcast. Thanks for joining me for today's episode where we are talking about feeling guilty about moving abroad and how to overcome it. Whenever I first moved abroad, I was so excited, but what I didn't expect was to feel a sense of guilt for moving abroad. Today we're gonna be talking about feeling guilty about leaving your family, leaving your. Friends, perhaps even leaving the culture of the United States or where you're moving from, like feeling guilt of leaving the country and why that guilt really does not need to hold you back from moving abroad and why you don't need to feel those feelings or, I mean, feel the feelings, but how to overcome them. So with that, we'll go ahead and get started with today's episode. Oh, and one more thing before we get started with the episode. If you're still trying to decide where to move abroad to, or you want a bit of reassurance that you're choosing the right place, then go ahead and take my quiz. It's on my website, jordangiberson.com/quiz. Or you can just click on the link that's at the bottom of the podcast description. So with that, we'll go ahead and get started. For real this time. So this is my personal experience about feeling guilty about moving abroad here are a few of the things that people have said to me since I've moved abroad that made me feel kind of guilty. Or I was just like, huh, interesting how people say things like this. But one was, I had a friend of mine that actually said, I love my family too much to live abroad, which was kind of insinuating to me like, you don't love your family enough or like. How could you wanna leave your family? Like you must not love them enough, that you'd want to live far away from them and things like that. Like people say that all the time, or kind of iterations of that, which made me feel really guilty that I was like, people looked at me and said like, oh, she's really selfish. Like she. You know, she just wants to live far away from her family and just do you know, live life for herself. She's not caring about other people, and it just kind of made me feel that way. Whether that's what this friend was saying or not, she was saying like, I love my family too much to live abroad. Like I can never live abroad like you can because. I love my family too much, so you must not love your family enough. That's just one example where I was like, oh, like that kind of like hurt a little bit where it made me feel kind of guilty because I do love my family so much so that's just one example of things that people have said to me. Another one was, this is from a person I had literally just met. It was a guy that had just started dating one of my friends, and he said, why did you move abroad? Is the US not good enough for you? Which also made me laugh. I'm like. I love the US. I honestly, even after living abroad for several years, and though I choose to continue living abroad, I still think the US is such a wonderful country and the people that live in the US have so many great opportunities that people in other countries don't have like education, like opportunities. Even though there are a lot of hurdles, and I'm not saying that the US is rainbows and sunshine by any means, and the US has its own problems. For sure, for sure. But I do think that the US is still really good, even with all the pros and the mini cons as well. It's a wonderful place to live. So anyways, the US is a wonderful country. I love the US and you know, a lot of people want to live in the US who don't have the opportunity to, so I'm lucky that I have the opportunity to that I grew up in the US and who knows, maybe someday I'll move back, but it's just funny, like, why did you move abroad? Is us not good enough for you? This person that I had literally just met, like that was his first line to me., It's also not true. Like I love the us. I think it's a great place. It's not that it's not good enough for me, it's. That I wanted to explore opportunities elsewhere. And it doesn't mean that the US is not good enough for me. So that's just another thing that people have said to me that I'm like, oh my gosh. And the third example that I think thought of, and there are many, many examples, but this is just like, these are just a few that kind of came to mind was my sister, whenever I first had moved abroad, I remember she was really upset and both my brother and sister were really upset that I had moved abroad. And at, at first I was only gonna go for like. Three months. Which psych? I mean, I've been here for like six plus years now. But anyways, my sister had said like, I feel like you abandoned me because she was really upset and really like, kind of negative towards me, like going abroad for a little while. And I didn't understand why she was so upset, but I understand now like there was a sense of abandonment or. Like family members feeling like I wasn't going to have as strong of a relationship or like I was leaving them, that I was choosing to live so far away from them. Which I've been able to show that I can still have a really strong relationship with them, that I'm really happy living abroad, that I still care for them just as much as I did whenever I lived in Texas. And that I still put in so much effort to maintain that relationship by having phone calls and video calls and visiting often, like I. Definitely put in a lot of effort, to like go visit my family for extended periods of time and to spend like quality time with them as well.. For as long as I'm able to with work. And she's lived in Denver for, a few years now with her husband and like I've put an effort to go to Denver a couple times as well. So anyways, I think that like all those things have been like, are not true I guess is what I'm saying. Like these are some of the things that people have said to me, but I'm like, hold up. Like I do actually really love my family. It's not that I don't love my family and like hold up. It's not that the US isn't good enough for me. I think the US is a great country, but I just wanna seek out opportunities elsewhere and like have a great. Adventure in my life and like hold up, like I'm not abandoning you. I still love you just as much. And I'm still gonna put in a lot of effort to maintain our relationship and to be a good sister and a good daughter, and a good like family member and a good friend to people. And I feel like I have, so I think it's just like going into moving abroad with intention. So anyways, those are a few of the things that people have said to me that have made me feel really guilty and I've had to kind of. Like, dig through that and understand why they said the things that they said. And you know, what I actually think about it and how I actually feel about it. And it's kind of made me reflect to say like, oh, like did I move abroad because, like I didn't love my family enough. Like, did I like abandon my sister? So I think I did have to kind of like. Work through all those things, but at first it definitely made me feel really guilty. So I guess the question for you would be, what specifically is triggering the guilt for you? Or what do you think you might feel guilty over? Because if you haven't moved abroad, you might not feel those senses of guilt. You might not have had your family saying like, oh, you've abandoned me, you've left me, or. Like, why are you doing this? And maybe your family doesn't even know that you want to move abroad yet. So, yeah, I just kind of ask you to question yourself too. I guess be ready for those things that might make you feel guilty so that you can start already working through it. Like I did, I did it kind of like people would say something, I'm like, oh dang. Like that was kind of harsh. Like, what do I actually think about that? So maybe it's leaving your family behind. Maybe it's missing milestones and your friends and family's lives, so you can't be there in person for maybe it's. Feeling like you abandoned your country or your culture that you aren't, I dunno, patriotic is not necessarily the best word, but that you're kind of abandoning where you're from and a place that's been so good to you. But yeah, I'd say just kind of like start thinking about some of those things. And I think for me, just as I was kind of working through those different senses of guilt from those personal experiences I had was just to think about how those experiences shaped my day to day. It made me second guess my decisions. It made me worry about my loved ones. It made me feel like. I was guilty for leaving them, for not loving my family enough for enjoying my new life abroad. Like, is that something I should feel guilty over? Should I feel guilt over, you know, missing, uh, birthday parties or family dinners that I can't be there for, you know, while I'm having fun with my friends? Like, is that something you feel guilty over?, And you know, my answer to this hasn't been no. Like, I should not feel guilty over these things. Like, I just kind of addressed like, why do I feel this way? Why do I feel guilty and kind of addressed? Those feelings and kind of figure it out, a plan to, I guess, like rectify them. Like for example, if I feel really guilty about abandoning my family and missing out on important family events, then I say, okay, I understand that I can't be there for every single thing, and that's the sacrifice that I make for the life that I live. But what are the really important things that I don't wanna miss out on? You know, I've, I planned my trips back home to be there for really big events. So, yeah, I mean, I'll get to that in a little bit, but I just, I wanted to start this off by sharing some of my personal experiences and to say like, this might happen to you, but I think it's good to kind of like address them with a level head and say, okay, what, why is this making me feel guilty and should I actually feel guilt for this? And I would argue that the answer is probably no. And I think that if you do feel guilty, then maybe it's addressing that guilt, but not saying, okay, I'm just gonna move back. But to say, okay, how can I make sure that I rectify this in a positive way, but also still get to enjoy my life abroad? Like to make sure that my family still feels really loved and not abandoned by me, to make sure that I'm remembering how good it is to be in the US and to be really positive about the US. Even though there are some negatives for sure, but to be like positive because my friends and family are still there. Like I don't have to say like, oh, the US sucks. Like that's why I moved abroad because you guys suck. Like where you guys live is terrible. Like, you know, I don't wanna be thinking that way or behaving that way with people that are still living in that environment. I wanna be positive about it. So I think it's just kind of figuring out, I think addressing the guilt and figuring out how to rectify those times that you do feel guilty in a positive way. So we've already been talking about this a little bit, but this is why guilt shows up, I think. I think you just need to normalize it that you are going to feel guilty at times. Guilt is just a natural process. Whenever you're making a big change in your life, that's going to affect others. I don't think that has to do just with moving abroad, but it could be many different things. So I think that some sources of guilt are going to be family expectations. We talked about that a little bit where my sister had told me like, I feel like you're abandoning me. So they might be asking you, why are you moving so far away? I remember my dad. Whenever I was about to graduate from college, I remember my dad saying, you can live anywhere after you graduate as long as it's in Texas. Which is funny because obviously I didn't just move outta the state, but I moved outta the country, which is funny. And outta the continent. So yeah, I think it's just those family expectations. I think for me personally, as the eldest child, I feel a sense of responsibility to be there for my siblings and to be there for my parents as well. I feel like a sense of, yeah, responsibility for taking care of them and making sure that everyone's doing well, everyone's taken care of, and I think that's probably an eldest child thing to feel that sense of responsibility. And then whenever I like. went to another country. I felt like I was not taking care of my responsibilities as the eldest child, but I realized that I can actually do that from abroad and I can still be there for my friends and family. My family specifically whenever I need to be. And I will be there and like I've been dedicated to doing that. And I'll explain a few examples in a little bit, but I say that's another one is, or I'd say that's a big one of sources of guilt is family expectations. I think another one might be cultural narratives. You might feel a sense of loyalty to your country, to the American dream. Like is that not good enough for you? It's what some people might say or think or if you're from another country, just maybe the cultural narrative of feeling like you're not being. almost feels like a silly thing to say, but a good citizen or like you appreciate what you've been given, I suppose, and that you're thinking that the grass is always greener, that something's better than here. Like, why would something be better here? Like, everywhere has its pros and cons, which is definitely true. But yeah, I think that could be one as well as just feeling a source of. Is feeling a sense of guilt for leaving your country and perhaps also just a comparison with your peers who stayed with people who, are your friends or your colleagues who are dedicated to being there. And maybe you feel a sense of guilt because you're choosing to leave and they're choosing to stay I don't know, but that could be like a few different sources of your guilt. And I explained a few of the examples of what happened to me with some of my friends and with my, my family as well. And then I'd say just work on reframing the guilt. I think guilt usually means that you care deeply, but it doesn't mean that you're wrong. I'm gonna say that again because I think that it's really important to understand. Guilt usually means that you care deeply, and that's a really good thing, but it does not mean that you are wrong to feel a sense of guilt. I think it's acknowledging when you feel guilt and why you feel that and how to rectify that in a positive way. Like I said before, I think that moving abroad is not an act of selfishness. I think that it's an opportunity for growth. I think it's honoring yourself and honoring the dreams that you have. In a way, I think that it's selfish of other people to want to keep you in a bubble or want to keep you in a lovely life, but to not go after the amazing opportunities that you could have in life if you were to just go for it. So I think it's positive to go after any ambition that you have in life, any goal that you have in life, whether it's moving abroad, starting a business, starting a family, because people are not going to support every single decision you make. There are going to be people that are like, why did they decide to have kids? That's silly because they don't wanna have kids. Or why did they decide to get married? Like, I don't really believe in marriage. Like, or why did they decide to move abroad? Because that's not something that they, believe in or something that they want a desire of theirs, but it's a desire of yours and I feel like you need to go after. The things that you want in life because it's your life and you should live it the way that you want to. I see that your move abroad can even inspire others. I think that's another way to reframe the guilt. It could inspire others in your family, your friends, or future generations, maybe even your children. I'd say, I mean, my sister, even at the beginning, she was upset about the move and she's even told me since then that. I was the one that inspired her to feel like, okay, if she can do it, I can do it. And she didn't move abroad, but she moved to another state, she moved to Denver. And that's something that no one else in our extended family had ever done to like move state and go somewhere else. So I think that that encouraged her to say like, oh, my sister did it. If she can move somewhere else, then I can move somewhere else. And her husband are talking about going to Guatemala for. I think maybe just a month, but they're planning to learn Spanish and go there for a month. And I think that that also was a domino effect from them saying, okay, we can live in Denver and we've enjoyed our lives and we've built a life here and it's been a positive experience for us. Like, let's do something else. Like let's go to Guatemala. So I think that's also opened up an opportunity for them to experience and even. Cooler opportunity maybe to experience a whole other culture, to learn a new language, and to experience that as well. So I think that my move abroad inspired others, and that's a really positive thing. By living abroad, you really expand your worldview and become more connected globally as well, which can benefit everyone in your circle. I think it just opens yourself up to other ways of life and to just growth in general, becoming independent, and I think you just grow so much as a person by living abroad. So. That's another way you could potentially reframe the guilt. And I have also had experiences living abroad that I would not have had if I were to have stayed in my save comfortable bubble that I was used to living in the US and living in Texas specifically. So I think that living abroad has given me so many different opportunities and. I feel like I've changed as a person in a way that I really like because I've lived abroad. So all those things wouldn't have happened if I would've said, oh, I feel too guilty. I'm just gonna move back. Or, I feel really guilty. I'm not gonna move at all. I'm just gonna stay here to like keep everyone happy. I don't think that that's a positive way of living our lives. Well. I don't think that we should live for others. I think that this is our lives. Everyone is given one chance to live this life, and I think that we need to choose how we live it and not to let other people dictate that so I've shared some of my personal experiences about feeling guilty when moving abroad. Why guilt shows up for those that move abroad, how to reframe the guilt. And now we're gonna talk about a few practical ways to handle the guilt. I'd say that one is to just stay connected intentionally. Schedule regular calls, regular visits back home, share your experiences online. It is very common for me and my siblings to share reels with each other, which. Sounds a little bit silly, but it's a awake to stay connected. We Snapchat every single day, me and my siblings and, and some of my friends as well back home. And that's just the way that we stay connected. We share videos and photos of different things that we're doing. So I'll share maybe like once a month I'll share some photos and videos of what I'm up to. My sister who lives in Denver does the same thing. So I think that it's just staying connected intentionally to be intentional with your visits, when you're going to be coming back home, how long you're going, make sure that you communicate that to your family so that they can anticipate when you're coming back and they can look forward to the visit. So I think the main thing is just staying connected intentionally so that people still feel like you haven't abandoned them, you haven't forgotten them, you're still really important to them. So I'd say that that is one of the biggest ways to handle the guilt is I think whenever you start living abroad, your family will see, oh, they're really happy. Okay. They're keeping a strong relationship with me. Okay. There's nothing to worry about. You know, I don't need to say these things and, and feel like abandoned or these negative feelings that then make the other person feel guilty, AKA You, or me. So, yeah, I think that that's one way is to stay connected. And over time they'll kind of see that you're maintaining a positive relationship and they will feel like, okay, I'm good. Like, we still have a strong bond. It's all good. So that's staying connected intentionally online via phone calls or different ways you can connect online. But I think another way is showing continued dedication to those you love. So be there when you need to be there, but don't sweat the small stuff. I'll give you an example. So my sister had this ceremony whenever she was in college, and it was something that was really important to her, but I didn't realize that it was that important to her. And even to this day, she'll bring it up and say that it really hurt her feelings that I wasn't there for that really important, important event for her. But I wish I would've known that. So I wish that I would've asked her if it was important to her and kind of let her make the decision of whether I came back for that event or not, because for me. Attending this event wasn't something that was really important to me to experience with my sister, whereas obviously her wedding was like, I made sure to be there for her wedding, for her bachelorette to be there to like help her find her wedding dress. Like I was there for those big life things because that was really important to me to be there to support her for those things. But this ceremony to me wasn't important, but it was really important to her. So I think that it's important whenever you know that there's a big life event coming up for someone. So ask them if it's important for them to be there so that you are maintaining a positive, really strong relationship and strong communication with them so that there's no missed expectations and people aren't upset. Another way that I showed dedication to people I loved and I said, I'm gonna be there, like for the important things, was my grandma's funeral. So my grandma had passed away. She lived a wonderful life. But she passed away. And, the following day that I found out, I booked my flight to go back home for the following day. So I literally like found out, booked my flights, and then I was there the following day because I had said that I really want to be there for my friends and family whenever there's a really big life event, whenever something really important happens. So I wanted to be there for my family. I did not need to attend the funeral to feel,, I guess closure for my grandma, but I went there for my dad and for my family and to be, to be there for family. So I think that it is important to. Make your friends and family feel like you're still dedicated to them and you're willing to go the extra mile to support them and be there for them. So that's something that I did, and I think that that's important to keep a bit of budget aside for those emergency visits so that your family and friends can know that you're dedicated and for you as well to like, be there for the big important moments in life. Because I think that if I didn't go to my grandma's funeral, I would've looked back and felt guilty and felt like, okay, I wasn't there for like, my dad whenever he was like, really sad, you know? Because it's his mother. So I'm really glad that I went back for that. And you know, for the big, like to be there for the big stuff, but don't sweat the small stuff. Like I have a bachelorette trip this year and I have two weddings for a friend and for my brother, and I really wanna be there for Christmas because that's something that's important to me and important to my family. So I'm flying back and forth four times within five months because. These things are important to me. So is it ideal that I'm going back four times in five months? No, it's not ideal. It's not something that I want to do, but it's something that's just like name of the game because I live abroad. But I said I'm want to be there for the big things, and I'm not willing to sacrifice not being there for these life events because they're really important to me. These people are important to me and I'm gonna be there. But there are smaller things like. You know, Easter lunch or a birthday party or a family gathering of some sort that I can't be there for. So you have to just realize that you are gonna miss out on things. You cannot be there for every single thing. But I'd say choose the things that are most important and perhaps ask people what's important to them. Like if it is important for you to be there to kind of put the ball in their court so that you don't feel guilty for not attending. You're kind of like asking them if this is important to them, or maybe you decide like. For my friend's wedding, if I were to have asked her, she might have said like, don't worry about it. But to me, I knew it was really important to me to be there, and if she wasn't at my wedding, I would be upset. So I just decided that it was really important to be there for this big life event. Another practical way to just handle the guilt is to share your journey openly with those that you love. My family became a lot more supportive and I felt a lot less guilty whenever they realized that I was happy and doing well and maintaining a strong relationship with them, and I was still coming back home often. I think that whenever they saw that I was happy and then I was, you know, still. Being supportive and I was still like. I mean, not that I have a sense of responsibility to my family to like be the eldest sister and like be there, but I feel like I am still like, you know, there for them. I think that they saw that, that even though we have the distance, that it's not really made a big difference in our relationship. So I think just share your journey openly with those that you love and make them feel included. Another practical way to handle the guilt is just to give yourself permission to enjoy your life. Your happiness is not something to apologize for the goals you have in life and the things you really want to achieve. That's not something to feel guilty for and apologize for. I think sometimes we do live our lives for others to make other people happy, but I think that we need to reframe that into. Realize that we only have one life. And if that's something that we will regret forever if we get to our older age and and regret moving abroad, that's not something that you want to feel. So I think that you have to go after the things that you really want in life. And I don't think that's something to apologize for, but I think it's just realizing what are the things that I do feel guilty for, and how can I rectify those things in a positive way rather than just giving up on my dream. But to say like. Okay. You feel this way, and so you're saying these things to me that make me feel guilty. Okay, how can I make you feel really positive about this and, and make you feel supported? So I think that's one thing as well. And then the last practical way to reframe the guilt is just reframing the narrative. You are not leaving people behind. You are expanding your life. Gimme yourself a new opportunity. You are, accomplishing your dreams. So I think it's just kind of reframing those things. So practical ways to handle the guilt would be staying connected intentionally with your friends and family online, sharing photos, having phone calls, you know, however you can connect with your friends and family online. Show continued dedication to those that you love. Be there whenever you can be there for the big events, but don't sweat the small stuff. Share your journey openly with those that you love, to make them feel included. Give yourself permission to enjoy your life and to reframe the narrative as well, that you're not leaving people behind, you're just expanding your life and saying yes to an exciting opportunity for you. So I would say that those are the biggest things that I would say for those that are feeling guilty about moving abroad and how to overcome it. So we talked about some of the personal experiences that I've had where people have made me feel guilty and how I rectified that. Y guilt shows up for people that move abroad and how to combat that by reframing the guilt and thinking of practical ways to handle the guilt so that you don't feel guilty about your amazing move abroad. So that is it for today's episode. I just wanna say feeling guilty is normal, but it's not a reason to hold yourself back from living the life that you want. And I would just encourage you to reflect a little bit on why you think that you might feel guilty if you move abroad. If you have moved abroad and you feel guilty, or if you're thinking about moving abroad and maybe you feel guilty now, or you can think of ways that you might feel guilty to just start addressing that early and think about. Those times you feel guilt and those comments that you get from people, what part of that is because they actually love you and care for you, and what part is just fear or pressure that, they might be feeling that you can kind of rectify in a really positive way. So I'd start just to kind of think about those things that you can get on top of it and not move abroad and kind of sift through all those feelings of feeling guilt. And it kind of like weighing down your first few months abroad, because it didn't weigh down my first few months abroad, but it definitely, it was like. Little things here and there, and I still get comments even to this day, but I think now I have a really positive, like I've had such a positive experience moving abroad. I've done it for a while now. Like I know kind of why people say the things that they do, and I think that is just kind of reframing it in a positive way. So. But anyways, that is it for me for today's episode. Just if you haven't taken the quiz, it might be helpful for you to figure out exactly where you should move abroad to. So like I said, the link is in the podcast description. I think that's probably the easiest way to get the quiz so that you can be confident about where you're moving abroad to and see if it fits your vibe. It's just a quick quiz. It takes like one to two minutes, or you can go to my website. jordangiberson.com/quiz and the quiz will pop up right there. And yeah, I've heard that it's a fun thing to do to take the quiz, and to like see where you match up with. And it might be we're thinking and it might be a different place, so who knows? But anyways, that is it for me for today's episode. Thank you again so much for listening to the Move Abroad podcast. I will catch you here again next week, same time, same place. I'll catch you then.