97: Loneliness Abroad Is Real—Here’s How to Cope and Build Community

I've definitely had my moments of feeling lonely in London. Loneliness abroad can feel discouraging, but it’s not proof you made a mistake by moving. It’s a natural part of adjusting to a new country, and with time, effort, and connection, it becomes easier to manage. You just have to put in effort to get out and meet new people!

I’ve lived abroad for four years now, and I’ve experienced both sides of the social spectrum. There were seasons where loneliness hit hard. And there were other times where my calendar was so full that I couldn’t take on new friendships.

If you’re moving abroad—or already living abroad—loneliness is part of the journey. It doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It just means you’re human, and you’re navigating a big transition.

In this episode, we’ll look at why loneliness abroad feels so intense, the main causes behind it, and the practical strategies you can use to cope and build community.

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Website: jordangiberson.com
Instagram: @jordan.giberson

Transcript

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I think that whether you move abroad or not, you're going to experience loneliness I think that's just a part of life and living. I think that friendships change ebb and flow, but I would say to just kind of hit the ground running whenever you move abroad and to have that intentionality of, okay, I'm gonna put myself out there. Hey, my name is Jordan Giberson. I'm a Texas girl living and thriving in London. The best thing I've ever done? Moving abroad, hands down. And I'm passionate about helping others do the same. Are you curious about finding a job abroad? You're in the right place, friend. I'll teach you the tried and true secrets of how to make moving abroad a reality for you and how to live a fulfilling life once you get there. We'll cover topics like choosing the best visa for you, how to get a job offer in another country, how to get over your fear of moving abroad, and how to live a life you love once you get there, this is The Move Abroad Podcast. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Move Abroad podcast. Today we're going to be talking about loneliness abroad, how to cope with it, and how to build community abroad. I have been living abroad for coming up to six years now, and yes, there have definitely been seasons of loneliness, but there have also been times where I've had a full roster of friends and I literally did not have capacity to have more friends. That's. Definitely happened while I've lived abroad as well. It's definitely ebbed and flowed over the years that I've been here because a lot of people, especially in London, kind of come in and leave. But loneliness is part of the expat journey in general, and it does not mean that you made the wrong decision. It's just a part of living abroad. I think it's part of the experience, but it does not mean that you'll be lonely always. You will build community after living abroad for a little while. And I'll also say that I think that just in adulthood in general, we all go through seasons of loneliness in life where friends move to different cities or friendships just kind of. Uh, drift apart really. And I'd say that it's just a part of life in general. I've had a lot of my friends in the US experience that where really close friends have moved to other places and they're trying to build new friendships just like I have in the past as well. So, that is the episode for today. So we'll go ahead and get started. The first thing that I wanted to talk about today is why loneliness abroad can potentially hit a bit harder. I think that just leaving family and friends behind, you know, it could be lifelong friends. It just means that you have to start from scratch. You're starting from not knowing anybody, perhaps, maybe you know, one or two people, which is great. I moved abroad not knowing anybody at all, so I was starting from scratch and it took time, but I definitely was able to build up community,. Loneliness often comes from not having a built-in support network. So whenever you do move abroad, you're probably not going to have that built-in support network, but you can build it up as you're there. So we'll talk about that in a little bit. And I'd say also just adding in the language barriers, potentially, depending on which country you're moving to, the cultural differences, which is going to happen in every country that you move to. And I think the Instagram versus reality effect can all make it feel a little bit harder trying to make friends abroad and feeling that loneliness abroad than you would feel other places because of the language barrier. Like we said, if you don't have the. Same level of language as everybody else there, or just feeling that cultural difference from trying to build community, but you feel like you're not the same because you have those cultural differences and just seeing things that happen on Instagram back home versus reality, you feel like you're missing out or feel like. Everyone has friends but you, but that's not true. Everyone goes through seasons of loneliness, and I think that, you know, as we all know, seeing Instagram versus reality, that can definitely affect how we feel and feeling more lonely as you're sitting at home and you see photos of people going on these amazing vacations or spending time with each other and you're like, oh, dang, I wish I was there. So I think that that can also make you feel a little bit more lonely seeing that. Whenever I had moved abroad to London and I actually moved to Brighton first, I remember feeling quite lonely at the beginning. I only made one friend whenever I lived in Brighton, and I lived there for three months. I only really made one friend because I feel like every person that I met, I think they first of all probably didn't really want to even try to be friends with me because I was only there for three months. But I think it was also because every person that I had met had been friends since. They were really young, so they had this really tight knit community and friendship group. So it was quite difficult to kind of integrate into a new friendship or friend circle. But whereas in London there were a really big expat group. So even if they weren't from the US, I still felt like. I could create a stronger bond with them because they also were coming into a new environment, also experiencing loneliness, also wanting to make new friends. So I was able to connect with people a lot more if they were from Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Americans as well, or European countries, because I feel like we were all kind of in the same boat of wanting to make friends and all, even if they had friends, they had experienced. Not having friends and they were more open to new friendships and adding people to the group. Whereas I feel like local people sometimes weren't as open because they had had the same friendship group that they were trying to protect, you know, since they were really young. So I do think that. It kind of differs and it also really depends on the group, obviously depends on the culture. I think some cultures are warmer and more open than others. But yeah, I would just say those are some of the reasons why loneliness might hit a bit harder living abroad versus if you were to move to another city in your same state, if you're from the US or even if you move to another state in the US or if you move to another city in the country that you're from. So why do we feel loneliness? What are the causes of loneliness? Number one is just the lack of local support. You don't have that social support. A lot of people. Don't move abroad knowing tons of people. So you have to build a network, and that's just a part of your journey of moving abroad. So you have to be really intentional about building that support network, but you are moving there without that local support network. You also might be feeling lonely because you're trying to stay connected with home, but you have to navigate what that will look like. So you don't wanna drop your OG friends and family, but you have to find the balance. You need to meet people in your new home country and develop relationships with them, but also maintain your friendships from back home too, or the ones that you feel like are the most important to you. So you'll have to schedule regular phone calls or video calls and plan visits back home to make sure that you're maintaining those relationships. But you can't just be friends with the people from back home. You have to develop relationships with the people that you are. Around on a daily basis. It's important to be friends with people in person and to develop those in-person relationships and not just maintain those relationships back home. So I'd say those are a couple of the reasons. Language barriers as well, which we've talked about even in English speaking countries. I think just having different accents or the slang just takes a little bit of an adjustment. And if you're moving to a non-English speaking country, it can feel a little bit isolating. But I think that taking language classes, which I. Highly recommend because you can meet other people who are in the exact same boat as you. So I think that's a great way of meeting community, but classes and apps will help you to develop the, local language. What are some practical strategies to combat loneliness? The biggest one is just you have to find your people abroad. I would suggest you follow your hobbies. If you're really into sports, if you're into pottery, if you're into book clubs, if you're into running groups or all of them. Maybe you've never joined a book club before, but that's a great way to meet people. Or you join a running club, or you join some sort of sports team, or you. Go to coffee shops regularly and you try to introduce yourself to people that you're sitting next to. You have to be bold. You have to introduce yourself. You have to mention that you're new and ask questions. I'd say that consistency is key as well. You have to show up regularly to build friendships. It takes time. So be consistent in trying to meet up at the book club or. Reach out to people that you have met in the running clubs and see if they want to catch up to get grab coffee afterwards or something like that. So you do have to stay consistent in these groups. But I do think that a group setting is really helpful for meeting people. And like I mentioned a little bit earlier, I do feel like a great way to meet people is to join a language class where you're learning the local language and you can meet people who have probably also just moved abroad and would be probably open to meeting friends because they're probably in the exact same boat as you, of being a little bit lonely and just moving there and not having friends. So I feel like that could be a really great place to meet people. Another great way is just to join expat groups. These communities get it because they're in the same boat as you. They have also just moved abroad. They're looking for friends. They are also expats in a new. Place and a new land, for lack of a better word. But I'd say that balance with local friendships and with expats is important. I think it's important to have a mix of both, because you don't want to just be friends with expats. And whenever I first moved abroad, I was like, I don't wanna be friends with other Americans. I literally left a country full of you guys. I wanna be friends with British people or people from other countries because it felt more fun to me and exciting. But as I lived here longer, I really appreciate meeting other Americans and having. Those friendships with Americans because I feel like we just get each other, I feel like we have kind of similar personalities and especially there's a certain type of person that moves abroad. You have to be a little bit bold and you have to be willing to be out of your comfort zone for sure. So I feel like people tend to be a bit more adventurous and willing to go out of their. Comfort zone. And so I feel like a lot of expats can get along quite well with each other too. So I'd say, yeah, join whatever expat groups you're able to. There's so many Facebook groups online. I mean moms in Spain, or Americans in London, like there are so many different groups online that you can join, different forums that you can join. And one thing that I loved doing for a while was. A year ago every month I would go to one networking event, like a business networking event, and I would go on meetup.com and I would just find like different like. Business meetup groups and I would just meet people that way. And then another way that I met people was, at dating events. So I actually met some really cool girls at dating events too, and guys. So I would go to like single events and that was really fun for me. Last year I would do one networking event, like a business networking event and one single event per month at least. And that was a really great way to meet people and that's something that I did last year that I really enjoyed. So that could be another. You know, idea for you to consider and exercise. I think that exercise is also a great way to combat loneliness. It just boosts your mood. It keeps you healthy, it helps with confidence. You can also perhaps meet people at exercise classes, especially if you're going to the same exercise class at the same time every week. You might be running into the same people and meet people that way. I do think that that could also be a great way, and another piece of advice, I'd say to combat loneliness is to just say yes more often. Even if you feel super tired or you feel really nervous, go to that coffee, go to the meetup, go to the dinner. You have to put yourself out there. You have to. Get out of your comfort zone. You can't just stay at home and hope that somebody will reach out to you. You have to be the one that reaches out. But if people do reach out to you, you don't have to say yes obviously, but I would highly encourage you to say yes, because especially if it's a new friendship, if you say no once or twice, it will be a lot less likely that they will ask you for a second or a third time, especially if it's a new friendship again. So I would say to say yes as often as you can, to just get out there, force yourself to get out. It's not always going to feel fun. It's going to feel a little bit scary. You might be a bit nervous, you might be feeling really tired, but you do have to force yourself to get out. So I would just encourage you to just have this attitude of saying yes. So I'd say those are a few strategies to combat loneliness is, find your people abroad by connecting with people that have similar hobbies as you. So try to join some sort of hobby group, some sort of community like sports, pottery, book club. I mean, there's so many different options. Join expat groups online. There are so many different options on. Facebook, for example. So I think that there are many different ways to connect with expat groups. Exercise. It just boosts your mood, helps you stay healthy, it helps you get confident. It's just a way to also just make sure that you're getting out of the house and staying busy, and then say yes more often. Even if you feel tired or nervous, just go out and just spend time with people so you can start building those relationships. I also just think that navigating loneliness abroad, it just takes a shift of your mindset. Friendships ebb and flow. Sometimes they are for the short term, sometimes they're lifelong, and sometimes we don't really know until, you know, push comes to shove. So there have been friends that I met at the beginning and I was like, eh, I don't think we're really gonna be that close. And they ended up being lifelong friends. For me, people that I'm really close with, even though we're really, really different, there was one girl that I was like, we're so different, and I ended up, I lived with her for a while and I was like, wow. Like she is just such a solid friend. So yeah. Anyways, friendships, ebb and flow. You are going to have times in your life in general, whether you move abroad or not, where you're going to feel lonely. I think that's just a part of adulthood. Life just changes. People get married and have kids where they're not available as much or. So you're in a different life stage or they move to a different city or maybe they move to another country or state or whatever. Sometimes friendship groups just kind of fall apart. I just think that friendships just change over time, over life. They ebb and flow, so that's more of an encouragement really to say that you're going to experience loneliness in life, whether you move abroad or not. So you might as well move abroad and feel lonely there in a new country where it's fully fun and exciting. But I, do think that it is a normal part of life. I think that feeling lonely does not mean that you're failing abroad. I think it's just a part of the adjustment. I think it's very normal to feel that, and I think that you have to just make sure you're getting out there and kind of forcing yourself to get out, I think what's also difficult is that a lot of people will go on Instagram and kind of flip through Instagram while they're at home alone, bored and feeling a little bit lonely, and then you feel even more lonely because you see all of your friends having fun and smiling and doing great things and hanging out together. Back home and you kinda feel a little bit left out perhaps, but I mean, you have this amazing opportunity to be in a new country abroad, and you just have to remind yourself sometimes that you're so lucky to have this life and to kind of give yourself a bit of tough love at times and force yourself to get out and force yourself to schedule things in the week and schedule things ahead of time and be consistent in the different groups and organizations that you join. I think you have to be intentional about doing that and intentional about. Saying, Hey, I've noticed you in this class, you know, over the past few weeks. My name is Jordan. And like, how long have you lived here? Or just ask them anything. I feel like one of the easiest questions to ask someone is, where are you from? It's a super easy question to ask. I mean, I feel like it's not a creepy question. I don't know, but that, that's my normal question. If I want to chat with someone, I'll like make a comment about something they're wearing or something that's relevant. Like, oh, that class was really hard. What did you think? You know, whatever it is. Or just ask them where they're from. But you do have to put in energy, you do have to put an effort, and you can't just expect people to just come to you and be inviting you to things like you're the one that's moving to the new country. So you just have to come in with intentionality to say, I am going to pursue friendships. And I even, a couple years ago, maybe like a year ago, I had picked. Like three girls that I really wanted to be better friends with and I kind of like pursued friendship with them and would try to like meet up with them and develop a friendship with them. So I do think that it just takes some, intentionality and you will meet people that you click with. It just takes time and openness. You might not think that someone is going to be your best friend whenever you first meet them, but sometimes you have to give people time. And sometimes I feel like some of the best friends that you'll meet, you know, don't judge a book by its cover. Like sometimes you see someone or you meet them for the first time and you're like, eh, like, they're not really similar to me. I don't think we're gonna be good friends. And sometimes they end up being the best friends you could possibly meet. so I would just say to treat loneliness as a temporary season, not a permanent reality, because it's not permanent. Everything in life, it's just across the board. Like there will always be change in life. You'll go through different seasons in life in general, and loneliness could be like a short season, but, I would just say to expect it whenever you're first moving abroad and to be really open to building new friendships. Whenever I first moved to Brighton, I had a really hard time making friends, but I also didn't really put in the effort that I feel like I could have or should have. But I also knew that I was only gonna be there for three months. So I was like, well, I just wanna enjoy, and I did a lot of European travel in those three months, so I didn't really pursue friendships and I didn't really stay put and, have some sort of hobby or something that I was consistent at to try to meet people. But then whenever we moved to London, I was like, I'm gonna be really intentional this time. Like I'm in, I'm in it for at least a year. I'm gonna like really put an effort to meet friends. So I was really consistent with trying to meet up with people. And from the very beginning I really put an effort to reach out to people, to ask'em to grab coffee and to join organizations where they met up weekly, where I could connect with people and. I did make friends really quickly. I actually met a, a friend group that was really open to me in like the first three weeks and thank goodness, because COVID happened shortly after and we were all kind of homebound, but I did make a good friend group, so even though I didn't know them super well, I feel like they were really open to building friendship with me and so I just made sure to pursue those friendships and be really intentional. And that really helped me in my first few years. And at one point had so many friends that I was like, oh, you're really great. Like I remember thinking I'd meet someone new and it'd be like a new girl. I'm like, oh, you're really great. So that's really it. I hope that this episode was encouraging. I don't love talking about loneliness or telling you like if you move abroad, you're gonna be really lonely. But I do think that loneliness is just a part of life. I think that everyone goes through periods of loneliness. I think that whether you move abroad or not, you're going to experience loneliness in life. I think that's just a part of life and living. I think that friendships change ebb and flow, and I think that whether you live abroad or not, you're going to experience loneliness. But I would say to just kind of hit the ground running whenever you move abroad and to have that intentionality of, okay, I'm gonna put myself out there. Maybe you're more of a homebody, maybe you're a bit more of an introvert. But I think you just have to force yourself to make plans ahead of time to enjoy time by yourself as well. Like I feel like as I've lived abroad and I've gone through periods of loneliness, I said, okay, I don't have plans today with someone else, but I'm gonna get out. I'm gonna go to this park, I'm gonna walk around, I'm gonna go to brunch by myself. I'm gonna like still do things that I enjoy and honestly, some of those days are my most favorite days whenever I have time alone. So you might go through periods of loneliness, but be really intentional and try to just soak up those times alone. And just to spend time in your own company and to enjoy that time as well. I think that is a beautiful thing too, to just enjoy those moments. Alone and to get to know yourself better and just to enjoy your own company too. So anyways, I hope that you found this episode encouraging that you're not alone in feeling loneliness, that it is a part of the move abroad journey, but with intentionality, you can absolutely make friends and build really strong community abroad. So that is it for me for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to an episode of the Move Abroad podcast. I really appreciate you being here. I really appreciate you listening to the episodes., I hope that this was helpful for you. And I will catch you here again next week, same time, same place. I'll catch you then.